"What do you want to do now?" (Intro Part 1)

Hi...

My name is Christopher but my friends call me Topher. I have to be honest... I'm not the greatest writer in the world but I felt a need to start this blog...

My 58 year young mother has cancer.

I can't find anything online that can remotely begin to help me process the emotions that I am experiencing. I don't think a counselor can help me so I am hopeful that by getting this all out of me, I can start to process what I have been feeling and maybe even help someone else that might be feeling similarly...

It all started last fall...

My uncle had recently passed away with Lung Cancer and my mom started having trouble breathing in October 2014...  No other symptoms other than she just couldn't catch her breath...She went to her regular doctor and told him what was going on and even said, "My brother just passed away with lung cancer and I want to make sure I'm ok."  The Dr responded by saying oh you're fine... It must be bronchitis... Here are some antibiotics and steroids...

Three weeks later, mom is worse...  She goes back to the Dr and says, Hey I'm not getting any better... As I said last time, my brother recently died of lung cancer and I want to make sure I'm ok. His response... Oh... You're fine... It's a touch of allergies...  Here are some more steroids and Antihistamine pills...

Another three weeks go by and my mom is even worse.  She is wheezing at this point...  She goes back to the Dr and he at least orders a x ray this time and doesn't see anything... New diagnosis... chronic bronchitis...  More Steroids and Antibiotics...

I went to visit mom over Christmas and she literally sounded like Darth Vader...  I told her she needed to go back and demand a CT scan... Bronchitis doesn't sound like that!  She said she would and she did but again, the Dr dismissed her concerns. After another month or so, I told her that she had better go back to the Dr and tell him she was not leaving that office until he ordered her a CT scan.  Either that or I was going to drive ten hours up there and go with her and dare him not to order it for her.

She did what I asked and he ordered the scan.  Two days later he called my mother back to give her the results.

First words out of the doctor's mouth when he walked into the room. "Well I wasn't expecting this... You have Lung Cancer. What do you want to do now..."  My blood pressure is going up right now just thinking about this again...

My mom says (as only she could), "What do you mean what do you want to do now? You're the Dr, you're supposed to tell me what to do!"

The Dr then tells her she should probably go to St Louis (Closest Metropolis and Cancer Center) and calls to get her an appointment with a Thoracic Surgeon two days later.

Two hours after she found out she tried to call me but I was in an appointment.  She tried three times and then called my brother and made him three-way me.  I finally got out of my appointment and was able to answer.  At the time, I had no idea mom had gone to get the results yet... She told us what the doctor told her and it knocked my breath right out of me.

I saw red and my life was changed forever...